spreadloveandacceptance.com
The book
Spread Love & Acceptance
Understanding yourself and the people you share a life with
by Christian
The idea of this book is simple, like a ledger: a notebook where you write down what happened, so you can look at it calmly later. See what is really going on, in yourself and between people, without blaming anyone, and then change one small thing.
- Read it in order, like any book. 26 chapters in three parts, and an afterword. Every chapter ends with what to remember, the chapters it connects to, and the next one.
- Two sizes of every chapter. The short version takes about 10 to 15 minutes. The full version adds the research, more examples and more to try.
- Free, with nothing to sign up for. No account and no paid version. Read on a phone, a computer or on paper.
- Or use it with the program. Each chapter ends with the steps and workpapers that go with it, if you want to put it to work.
Workpapers, tools and three friends
Workpaper WP-03 Workpapers: pages you fill in
A workpaper is a page you fill in, on your own or together: a one-week log, a list of who owns which job, a short check. Each one has a number, like WP-03, and it is always called a workpaper, for example “Workpaper WP-03: One owner per job”. You can fill them in on screen or print them.
Tool Tools: helpers you use on the site
A tool is an interactive helper on the website: a quiz, a calm-down timer, a card maker, or the Chat analyzer that reads a message with you. You use it and it gives you something back. It is always called a tool, for example “Tool: Chat analyzer”.
The book keeps the two apart: a workpaper and a tool never share a list. Both are free, need no account, and what you type stays on your device.
Three friends who give hints
- Professor Puddles, the site’s cheerful raindrop professor, gives most of the hints: a thought to take with you, and the workpaper or tool that fits.
- Tidbit, the quick, curious pup with the big smile and the collar, bounds in now and then with a playful tip.
- Sugarfoot, the steady, gentle pup with the long soft ears and the best hugs, turns up with a calm, slow tip.
They keep to the lighter pages. Where a chapter talks about crisis, deep grief or being hurt, the pages stay quiet and plain.
Every workpaper and tool the book mentions is listed at the end of this page.
The book in print
The same chapters, as a series of short colour books that each stand on their own, plus a workbook with every workpaper. In print, each chapter is the short version, with a code to scan for the full one.
The print books are optional; everything stays free online.
Book 1
Know Yourself Kindly
Start with yourself: your history, your wiring, your feelings, your worth and how your mind works.
Get it in print: From this site Amazon Bookshops and libraries
Book 2
Heal and Steady
For the heavy days: stress, anger, worry and low mood, grief, repair, change and what matters to you.
Get it in print: From this site Amazon Bookshops and libraries
Book 3
Understanding Each Other
Pace and tone, how words land, how we see each other, belonging, love, groups and helping well.
Get it in print: From this site Amazon Bookshops and libraries
Book 4
Share the Load
For homes, families and teams: seeing the unseen work, one owner per job, and two kinds of fair.
Get it in print: From this site Amazon Bookshops and libraries
Workbook
The Workpapers: Free Forms, All in One
All the workpapers on large pages, with room to write and spare copies for the weeks ahead.
Get it in print: From this site Amazon Bookshops and libraries
Workpapers and tools in this book
Two separate lists, with the chapters that mention each one. All free, with no account, and what you type stays on your device.
Workpapers mentioned in this book
Pages to fill in, on your own or together.
Workpaper WP-01: Who did what spreadloveandacceptance.com/
wp-01 In: Where your lens came from, Your wiring, weather and words, The work nobody sees, Is the split working?, Two kinds of fair, The monthly look-back
Workpaper WP-02: How much are you carrying? spreadloveandacceptance.com/
wp-02 In: Your wiring, weather and words, Is the split working?, Full tanks and different angles, The monthly look-back, Stress and the nervous system, Helping others well
Workpaper WP-03: One owner per job spreadloveandacceptance.com/
wp-03 In: The work nobody sees, Why we get out of tune, Is the split working?, Full tanks and different angles, Two kinds of fair, The monthly look-back, Habits and change, Helping others well, Groups, influence and culture
Workpaper WP-04: What keeps coming back? spreadloveandacceptance.com/
wp-04 In: Who you are becoming, The work nobody sees, The monthly look-back
Workpaper WP-09: Say it so it lands spreadloveandacceptance.com/
wp-09 In: Your wiring, weather and words, Why we get out of tune, Two kinds of fair, The monthly look-back, How communication works, Healing after hurt, Groups, influence and culture
Workpaper WP-11: The Calm-Down Kit spreadloveandacceptance.com/
wp-11 In: Your wiring, weather and words, Who you are becoming, Why we get out of tune, Full tanks and different angles, Two kinds of fair, How feelings work, Stress and the nervous system, Anger, Worry, low mood and trauma
Workpaper WP-12: Same moment, different speeds spreadloveandacceptance.com/
wp-12 Workpaper WP-13: The 90-second daily check-in spreadloveandacceptance.com/
wp-13 In: The work nobody sees, Why we get out of tune, The monthly look-back, Habits and change, Minds that work differently, Healing after hurt, Groups, influence and culture
Workpaper WP-15: Keep your little rituals alive spreadloveandacceptance.com/
wp-15 In: Attachment, trust and belonging, Values, meaning and a good life, Closeness and love
Workpapers: All the workpapers, to fill in on screen or print spreadloveandacceptance.com/
workpapers/ fill
Tools mentioned in this book
Interactive helpers to use on the site.
Tool: Chat analyzer spreadloveandacceptance.com/
signal-translator In: Why we get out of tune, Two kinds of fair, The monthly look-back, How we see each other, How communication works, Groups, influence and culture
Tool: Rewind the talk spreadloveandacceptance.com/
carrier-wave-decoder In: Why we get out of tune, Full tanks and different angles, How we see each other, How communication works, Self-worth, shame and self-compassion, Healing after hurt
Tool: Chat analyzer: Help me write it (say no kindly) spreadloveandacceptance.com/
refusals Tool: Cool-down corner: make a pause plan spreadloveandacceptance.com/
pursue-withdraw In: Full tanks and different angles, Stress and the nervous system, Attachment, trust and belonging, Anger, Closeness and love
Tool: Kitchen-table check-in spreadloveandacceptance.com/
check-ins In: Where your lens came from, Is the split working?, The monthly look-back, How communication works, Helping others well, Closeness and love, Groups, influence and culture
Tool: Chat analyzer: Help me write it (ask for a change) spreadloveandacceptance.com/
small-wins In: Two kinds of fair, Habits and change, Self-worth, shame and self-compassion, Worry, low mood and trauma
Tool: Stay close: one small idea spreadloveandacceptance.com/
bonding In: How feelings work, Attachment, trust and belonging, Closeness and love
Tool: How you connect: what feels like care spreadloveandacceptance.com/
love-languages In: Attachment, trust and belonging, Values, meaning and a good life, Closeness and love
Tool: How you connect: the 2-minute style quiz spreadloveandacceptance.com/
wavelength In: Where your lens came from, Your wiring, weather and words, Who you are becoming, Full tanks and different angles, How communication works, Personality, temperament and change
Tool: How you connect: how to talk to me spreadloveandacceptance.com/
wiring-card In: Where your lens came from, Your wiring, weather and words, How communication works, Minds that work differently, Personality, temperament and change, Groups, influence and culture
Tool: Old rules, new choices spreadloveandacceptance.com/
growing-up In: Where your lens came from, Full tanks and different angles, Self-worth, shame and self-compassion, Values, meaning and a good life
Tool: Rhythms side by side spreadloveandacceptance.com/
tools/ frequency-calibration Tool: Who does what? Quick look spreadloveandacceptance.com/
lemonade-stand Tool: Who does what? Count the hours and bills spreadloveandacceptance.com/
lemonade-stand In: The work nobody sees, Is the split working?, Two kinds of fair, The monthly look-back
Tool: Who does what? Not sure where to start spreadloveandacceptance.com/
snapshot Tool: Cool-down corner: Upset right now? spreadloveandacceptance.com/
upset-right-now In: Full tanks and different angles, How feelings work, Stress and the nervous system, How communication works, Attachment, trust and belonging, Habits and change, Self-worth, shame and self-compassion, Loss, grief and big life changes, Healing after hurt, Anger, Personality, temperament and change, Closeness and love, Worry, low mood and trauma
Tool: Cool-down corner: soften a tense moment spreadloveandacceptance.com/
tools/ soften-a-tense-moment In: Anger
Tool: Cool-down corner: calm sounds and music spreadloveandacceptance.com/
soundscapes In: Stress and the nervous system, Loss, grief and big life changes, Worry, low mood and trauma
Tool: Cool-down corner: breathing game spreadloveandacceptance.com/
night-garden Tool: My weather today spreadloveandacceptance.com/
quick-checks In: Your wiring, weather and words, Full tanks and different angles, How feelings work, Habits and change, Worry, low mood and trauma
Tool: Write it through spreadloveandacceptance.com/
write-it-through In: Self-worth, shame and self-compassion, Loss, grief and big life changes, Healing after hurt
Tool: Ask Professor Puddles spreadloveandacceptance.com/
ask In: Where your lens came from, Your wiring, weather and words, Who you are becoming, The work nobody sees, Why we get out of tune, Is the split working?, Full tanks and different angles, Two kinds of fair, The monthly look-back, How communication works, Self-worth, shame and self-compassion, Loss, grief and big life changes, Values, meaning and a good life, Helping others well, What the book adds up to
Tool: Read your way spreadloveandacceptance.com/
how-you-take-things-in Tool: Gentle games: the Re-check Drive (calm football) spreadloveandacceptance.com/
recheck-drive Tool: Plan it once: handoff bag for two homes spreadloveandacceptance.com/
co-parenting In: Where your lens came from, Your wiring, weather and words, Who you are becoming, The work nobody sees, Why we get out of tune, Is the split working?, Full tanks and different angles, Two kinds of fair, The monthly look-back, How we see each other, How communication works, Healing after hurt
Tool: Plan it once: room agreement for roommates spreadloveandacceptance.com/
sharing-a-room In: Where your lens came from, Your wiring, weather and words, Who you are becoming, The work nobody sees, Why we get out of tune, Is the split working?, Full tanks and different angles, Two kinds of fair, The monthly look-back, Stress and the nervous system, How communication works, Minds that work differently, Values, meaning and a good life, Personality, temperament and change
Tool: Team job list: the 10-minute weekly round spreadloveandacceptance.com/
work In: The work nobody sees, Why we get out of tune, Is the split working?, Full tanks and different angles, How feelings work, Stress and the nervous system, How we see each other, Attachment, trust and belonging, Habits and change, Self-worth, shame and self-compassion, Values, meaning and a good life, Healing after hurt, Helping others well, Anger, Personality, temperament and change, Worry, low mood and trauma, Groups, influence and culture
Tool: Learn by doing: connect two fields of study spreadloveandacceptance.com/
polymath In: Where your lens came from, Your wiring, weather and words, Who you are becoming, The work nobody sees, Why we get out of tune, Is the split working?, Full tanks and different angles, Two kinds of fair, The monthly look-back, Values, meaning and a good life
Tool: Ten-minute start spreadloveandacceptance.com/
start-in-10-minutes Tool: Fair split check: this week spreadloveandacceptance.com/
is-the-setup-working Tool: Fair split check: over a month spreadloveandacceptance.com/
look-back-30-days
Other ways in
- The book at a glance: the whole book in short paragraphs, for one person or for people together.
- The book by topic: sharing the load, talking it through, knowing yourself, staying calm and by relationship.
- The self path and the six-week program: the book put to work, a step at a time.
- Research and references: the studies the chapters mention, with links to read more.
Last updated: October 2026