Start here
Ten-minute start
Also called Start in 10 minutes
Four small steps, one at a time. Stop whenever you like: your place is kept on this device.
Who is this for today? You can change it any time.
On your own is complete as it is. Done when: you know your own pattern and one thing to try.
Anyone counts: a partner, friend, family member, housemate or coworker. Done when: you each said one thing and agreed one small change.
Private by design. What you type or choose on this page stays on your device. It is never sent to us. More
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Step 1 of 4
Check your own weather
About 1 minute
Before anything else, see how you’re doing today. A few quick taps, about a minute, give you a forecast: what today is good for, and what can wait.
Each of you checks your own weather, on your own phone or one after the other. It shows whether now is a good time to talk, or whether a snack and a rest come first.
It opens in this tab, with a bar at the top that brings you straight back here.
Go deeper: why start with yourself?
Hard talks go better when you know your own state first. Hungry, tired or rushed? Then the problem can feel bigger than it is. Knowing that lets you say “not now, later today” instead of something you’d regret.
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Step 2 of 4
Read: who you are today
About 4 minutes
Your wiring, your weather and your words: a few short cards on reading yourself before you speak.
The quiet, unseen jobs that keep a shared life running, and why they deserve to be noticed. Read it together, or each on your own.
or open the pageor open the page
Go deeper: log one thing you did today
Just one. Something you did that kept things running, however small: packed a lunch, paid a bill, remembered a birthday.
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Step 3 of 4
Notice your pattern
About 2 minutes
When something gets hard, what do you usually do first? Pick the closest. There’s no wrong answer, and none of these is a flaw.
Go deeper: say it so it lands
When you’re ready to say something, turn the big feeling into a fact, a feeling and a kind ask.
“Nobody ever helps me.”
Fact: I did the dishes alone four nights this week. Feeling: I feel tired and a bit invisible. Ask: Could you take two of the nights?
The full worksheet is Say it so it lands.
About 3 minutes
Take turns. Each of you says one small thing, using a fact, a feeling and a kind ask. The other just listens, then says back what they heard. No replies yet.
“You never take the trash out.”
Fact: The trash has gone out late three weeks running. Feeling: I feel worn out when I notice it every time. Ask: Could the trash be yours on Tuesdays?
Not about chores? “We hardly talk since the kids left.”
Fact: Most evenings we eat with the TV on and say very little. Feeling: I miss you, and I feel a bit lonely. Ask: Could we take a short walk together after dinner on Thursdays?
If you feel afraid of how the other person may react, skip this step. Not safe at home? Get help.
Go deeper: how to listen and say it back
Say back the fact and the feeling in your own words: “So the trash has been late, and you’re worn out by noticing it.” Then ask: “Did I get that right?” You don’t have to agree yet. You only have to hear it.
More on this in Check-ins.
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Step 4 of 4
Choose one thing to try
About 2 minutes
One small thing, for this week. Tap an idea or write your own.
One small change everyone involved says yes to, for one week. Small is the point: you can always change it next week.
I’m done for now: here’s what I got
No streaks, nothing to keep up. Come back to any step whenever you like.