Calm down
Calm-down plan for heated moments
Also called the Calm-Down Kit
What it does: on a calm day, you decide your early signs, a pause signal and what settles you. What you get: your own plan, to keep on your phone or print. About 10 minutes
For relationships where everyone feels safe. If anyone is afraid or controlled, see Not safe at home?
Upset right now? Take five minutes on Upset right now? Make the kit later, on a calm day.
A short plan you make while calm, for bringing your body back down in a heated moment. Three parts, about ten minutes. It’s about you, never something to hand to someone else.
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Your early signs
On an ordinary day, write down what tends to set you off, and where you feel it first: a hot face, a tight jaw, a fast voice, the urge to win. Two or three is plenty. Catching it early is most of the kit.
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Two calming steps
Pick two things that bring your body down. For example: breathe in for 4 and out for 6, walk slowly round the block, or run cold water over your hands. Still hot after one round? Do another. Still hot after two? That’s okay: pick a new time to talk, and say when.
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Your pause line
One sentence to say when you step away: how you feel, how long, and when you’ll be back. A time to come back means a break is never mistaken for walking out.
“I’m too worked up to do this well. I’m going to walk for twenty minutes. Can we pick it up at eight?”
Living with someone? Agree the pause part together, on a calm day: the word you’ll use, the shortest break, and when you come back.
Fill it in on screen Free, no sign-up. It stays on this device, and you can save a PDF.
These are everyday settling steps, not a treatment. More on each part, coming back after a pause, and what the kit is not for: the full worksheet. Goes with Check-ins and calm-down sounds.
Last updated: October 2026