Same moment, different speeds
Also called the Carrier Frequency Audit (WP-12)
What it does: for five moments that come round often, each of you marks how fast you want to move, how much you want to talk, and how urgent it feels. What you get: your gaps in plain words, and one small agreement for the biggest. About 20 minutes, once
One of you wants to sort it now. The other needs a minute, or a night. Neither of you is wrong. This sheet finds where your speeds differ, so a difference in pace stops looking like a difference in caring.
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Fast and slow aren’t good and bad.
When one person moves quickly and the other needs time, the quick one can feel ignored and the slow one can feel pushed. Most of that is pace, not willingness. Naming it is half the fix.
Dig deeper: pace, not willingness -
Pick five moments that come round often.
A plan that changes at the last minute. A bill that lands. Something that breaks. One of you upset. A free Saturday. Swap in your own.
Dig deeper: choosing the moments -
Each of you marks your own speed, on your own.
Speed: how soon you want to act. Talk: quiet time first, a few words, or talk it all through. Urgency: low, medium or high. Answer before you look at the other person’s answers.
Dig deeper: the three questions -
Look at the gaps together, with curiosity.
A gap is how many steps apart your answers are. Speed often flips from one moment to the next: the fast one about plans may be the slow one about bills.
Dig deeper: reading the gaps -
Write one small agreement for the biggest gap.
Give the faster person a way to start and the slower person a time to land. Try it for two weeks before you judge it.
Dig deeper: agreements that work
A filled-in example (made up)
Made up · Thursday, after dinner
Rosa and Tom keep snapping about the same two things: plans that change, and the post. Rosa wants a new plan settled on the spot. Tom wants to sit with a bill until it’s sorted. Each thinks the other is being difficult.
| Moment | Who | Speed | Talk | Urgency |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| A plan changes at the last minute | Rosa | Right away | A few words, then act | High |
| Tom | Later the same day | Quiet time first | Low | |
| A bill, letter or form needs dealing with | Rosa | After a night’s sleep | Quiet time first | Low |
| Tom | Right away | A few words, then act | High |
Their agreement for the biggest gap: “When a bill comes, Tom flags it the same day, and we sort it together on Sunday morning.” Notice it cuts both ways: Rosa is the fast one about plans, Tom about bills.
See the whole example on the full version
Try this: Next time you feel out of step, try saying: “I think we’re just at different speeds on this one. When would work for you?”
Fill it in on screen and save a PDF →
Goes with Compare your daily rhythms · The Frequency Framework · The 90-second daily check-in · Do all your sheets in one place
What’s this?
On the full version and on the PDF, this sheet is called WP-12, the Carrier Frequency Audit. In radio, the carrier is the steady wave a station sends; two stations on slightly different carriers make a whistle. It puts one of the site’s Five Pillars (the five big ideas everything here is built on) to work: tune how you send and receive: a gap in pace gets an agreement, not a label.