Is this right for you?

Full version← Back to the simple version

Spread Love & Acceptance is a program for self-discovery and for building and keeping healthy relationships of every kind. It takes a logical, objective look at some of life's biggest changes, and it starts with you.

First, it helps you understand your own stress, rhythms and reactions, objectively and without shame. Then it gives any two people who share time, space, work or care a fair way to see what each person carries: the noticing, remembering, planning and smoothing things over that usually goes unseen. Those two people might be partners, family, friends, roommates, co-parents, coworkers or caregivers. Once that work is written down in the same units, where both people can see it, it stops being a matter of competing impressions. It becomes a shared fact you can talk about.

This page will help you decide whether it fits your situation, show you that everything is free, with no account and no paid version, and walk you through where everything lives. To see how each chapter, workpaper and tool connects to each kind of relationship, read How it fits your relationships.

Self-help, not therapy. Built from published research (see the Library), not clinically tested. Not for relationships where anyone is afraid (see Not safe at home?). Counselors, coaches and group leaders: a page for you.

Patience, clarity, and kindness over speed and stress.

On this page: What it is and isn't Who it's for New: Carrier Wave Decoder Ways in Where everything is How it fits your relationships

What it is, and what it isn't

Who it's for

It's likely a good fit if

• You want to understand your own reactions better: why some moments hit harder than they should.
• The same arguments about chores, fairness or "who does more" keep coming back, with a partner, a parent, a roommate or a teammate.
• Someone feels like they're carrying work the other person can't see.
• Both people want things to be fairer, and each is willing to write down their own side honestly.
• Structure helps you. Lists, numbers and a clear order of steps make hard topics easier to talk about.

You can start on your own. The self-discovery half of the program is just for you. The shared tools work best when both people take part. See how it fits your relationships for where to start with a partner, family member, friend, roommate, co-parent, coworker or someone you care for.

It's probably not the right tool right now if

• You're hoping for proof that you're right, or a verdict on someone else.
• You're afraid of your partner, or someone checks, controls or threatens you. That isn't a communication problem: Not safe at home? has free, private people to talk to.

New: The Carrier Wave Decoder

Ways in

The whole book (26 chapters in three parts, and an afterword), 10 workpapers and 2 calculators are live today. All of it is free and open to everyone, with no sign-up, no account and no paid version.

Where everything is

Every live page on the site, grouped by what it's for. All of it is free and open.