For professionals
For counselors, coaches and group leaders
If you are a therapist, counselor (or counsellor), coach, pastor or group leader wondering whether to send people here, this page is for you. It says plainly what the site is, what it isn’t, how strong the evidence is behind each part, and which tools work well between sessions.
What this site is, and what it isn’t
Spread Love & Acceptance is a free self-help site for couples, families, housemates and coworkers. Its main ideas are simple: write down the work nobody sees, give each job one owner, notice your own stress before you reply, and fix the setup instead of blaming a person.
- It is self-help: plain guides, short worksheets and small tools that two people can use together, or one person can use alone.
- It is built from published research, summarized in the Professor’s Library with authors, years and limits.
- It is not therapy, counseling, coaching or a diagnosis. It has not been clinically tested, and it makes no claim that it works as a treatment.
- It is not for relationships where anyone is afraid, controlled or threatened. Tools about fairness and tone can be misused in those relationships.
It is made by one person, Christian, whose background is in auditing rather than clinical work. The About page says so openly.
The safety screen
Not safe at home? is linked from the menu, from the pages about conflict, and from the top of each homework tool below, in one line: “For relationships where everyone feels safe. If anyone is afraid or controlled, see Not safe at home?” It says plainly that fear, control and threats are not a communication problem, lists free and private helplines, and explains how to leave the site quickly.
If you suspect coercive control or violence in a couple you see, please do not assign the shared tools. A shared chore list or pause plan can become one more thing to be checked on. Point the person to the safety page, or to support of their own.
How strong the evidence is
We try to be honest about this, tool by tool.
- The Library summarizes published research and names its sources. Each entry says where the evidence is thin, mixed or debated. For example, it calls polyvagal theory a clinical metaphor rather than settled physiology, and says the 5:1 ratio is not a rule to count.
- “This site’s idea” is a label used in the Library and on the tools. It marks our own way of putting research into practice. These parts are not established science.
- The research behind this site lists every study, book and review the site draws on, with a plain summary, an honest strength label and a link to the source. Read the research behind this site.
- Scores and bands are rules of thumb. For example, the stress check reads under 0.30 as low and 0.60 or more as high, and the Lemonade Stand reads a 60% share as “leaning one way”. These cut-offs were picked by hand to start a conversation. They are not validated scales, and none of them predicts anything. The main rules are written out on Method and limits.
- The chat helper, Professor Puddles, is not a person and not a clinician. It looks things up in the site’s own pages, on the device. It can misread a message, so it is not a safe place for a crisis.
Tools that work as homework between sessions
Each of these is free, needs no sign-up, and takes 2 to 15 minutes. Most make a plain text or a link the client can bring to the next session. Each one carries the same one-line safety note near the top, pointing to the safety page.
- The pause planFor pursue-withdraw patterns: a fill-in plan with a pause word, a shortest break and a set time to come back. It can be shared as a link.Draws on demand-withdraw and flooding research. The plan format is this site’s idea.
- Check-insOne topic, at a set time. Each person says back what they heard (“Did I get that?”) before they answer.Draws on research on listening and repair. The step order is this site’s idea.
- The 90-second daily check-inThree short prompts each evening, with no debating. Can be saved as a PDF on the device.A small daily habit. This site’s idea, not a tested program.
- The Lemonade StandEach person lists who did what this week, including the noticing and planning. It shows the split as a plain picture, and a couple can set the split they think is fair.Draws on household labor and mental load research. The “leaning one way” bands are a rule of thumb.
- The Calm-Down KitA plan made on a calm day: early signs, a pause signal, what helps each person settle, and how to come back.Draws on stress and flooding research. The stress bands are a rule of thumb.
- See it from their sideSteps round to the other person’s side of one moment, especially what they could see that you couldn’t. It never decides who was right.Draws on perspective-taking research. The questions are this site’s idea.
- The Chat analyzerPaste a tense message or a short exchange, and it points out where it may have gone sideways and offers calmer replies. A threat or controlling message gets the safety page instead of a reply.Draws on research on criticism, defensiveness and repair. The word lists and suggestions are this site’s idea, and it can misread.
- Leading a groupA six-session guide with timings, questions, a safety note to read out, and one-page handouts to print.Draws on the same research as the guides. The session plan is this site’s idea, not a tested program.
A client handout: a short note to paste into an email or a session summary. It says what the site is, puts the safety line first, and links six homework tools.
Words you could use with a client
“This is a free self-help site, not therapy. Try the pause plan together this week, and bring what you wrote to our next session.”
“Use it only if it feels helpful. If anything on it makes things feel less safe at home, stop and tell me.”
Leading a group
Leading a group is a free six-session guide for community, faith and support groups. Each session has timings, discussion questions and a printable handout. It starts with keeping the group safe: ground rules, a short safety note to read out, and what to do if someone says they are afraid at home.
Privacy
- What clients type stays on their device. The tools, worksheets and chat run in the browser. Nothing typed is sent to us or anyone else. Some tools keep a draft in that browser, and What’s stored on this device lists each one with a button to erase it.
- Visit counts. Most pages use Google Analytics to count page views. Only the page address is sent, never what is typed. It is switched off on the more private pages, including the safety page and the chat with Professor Puddles.
- No sign-up. Email updates are optional and nothing is locked behind them.
The full details are in the privacy policy. On a shared or monitored phone, encourage clients to use a private window, or not to use the tools at all.
Questions professionals ask
Can I use this with my clients between sessions?
Yes, it is free to use that way, as long as everyone feels safe at home. It is self-help, not therapy, so it works best alongside your own work, as homework you then talk about together.
Is there evidence that the program works?
No trial has tested this site. The ideas come from published research, which the Library sets out with its limits. The scores are rules of thumb, explained on Method and limits.
Is it safe for couples where there is abuse or control?
No. The shared tools are not meant for relationships where anyone is afraid. Point the person to the safety page instead.
Do my clients need to sign up or pay?
No. Everything is free, with no sign-up, and what they type stays on their own device.
More for your situation
- The Professor’s LibraryThe research behind each idea, with its limits.
- Read the research behind this siteEach study, what it found, how strong the evidence is, and a link to read more.
- Method and limitsThe main scores, written out, with their cut-offs.
- Is this right for you?A short page you can send to a client before they start.
- Not safe at home?Helplines and how to leave the site quickly.
- Help beyond this siteCounsellors, support groups and books, to suggest alongside these pages.
This page shares general information about the site. It is not clinical guidance.
Last updated: October 2026