Reading
Stories from Philosophy
Twelve old stories from philosophy, retold in plain words. They help you know yourself, see the other person more clearly, and keep a ledger without letting it replace the person.
Each story lines up with one of the Five Pillars, and each works in two directions: inside you, and between you and other people.
-
Start with yourself.
In the Buddha’s story of the second arrow, the event hurts once, and the story you add about it hurts again. Many disagreements are mostly second arrows. Epictetus adds another lesson: your side is yours to look after, and their answer is theirs.
Dig deeper: part one, knowing yourself -
You can both be right about different parts.
In the old story, each blind man touches one part of an elephant and describes it honestly. Two people in a relationship are always touching different parts. Don’t fill in their side for them. Ask, and listen.
Dig deeper: part two, seeing the other person -
Closeness is a distance you can talk about.
Porcupines huddle together for warmth, then pull apart when the quills prick, until they find a middle distance. Needing warmth isn’t clingy. Needing room isn’t cold. You can talk about the distance that suits you both.
Dig deeper: part three, living together -
The ledger serves the person, never the other way round.
Ask yourself: would you use these tools the same way if the other person could see everything you wrote? And if the numbers ever start to stand in for the person, the ledger has stopped doing its job.
Dig deeper: part four, the ethics of keeping a ledger
Try this: Next time something stings, write two lines: “What happened” and “What I’m telling myself it means.” Only the first line belongs in the ledger.