Start here: understand yourself first, then share the load kindly

This is a free website that helps you get along better with the people you live, work or care for. There is no sign-up, and what you type stays on your phone or computer. Pick one of these three to begin.

• Start in 10 minutesA short, guided first visit, one small step at a time.
• Upset right now?Five calm minutes, for when a talk is getting heated.
• Start where you areOn the home page: choose what is going on for you, and get one page that fits.

Your best first step

Pick the line that sounds most like you. Each one is a single page, and nothing needs to be read in order.

• I have ten minutesStart in 10 minutes: check your weather, read the Preface, try one practice card and log one thing. That’s it.
• Someone sent me thisWhat the other person sees, what stays yours, and how to say yes, not yet or no kindly.
• We’re too worked up to talk right nowToday’s Weather: a one-minute read on your own state, and whether now is a good time to talk.
• We keep going round about choresWho did what: one week’s simple log of the work, written down by both of you instead of remembered by one.
• I’d like to be walked through itSix gentle weeks: one small step a week, in order, with a tracker that remembers where you are if you’d like it to.
• I want to understand the ideas firstThe book, starting with the Preface: the quiet, unseen work of running a shared life.
• I’m not sure which part of the program to useSix weeks, the Workpaper Suite, the package and report, and the indexes, side by side: which to use when.

Still not sure? Three quick questions

Answer three quick questions and get one exercise to try first, one short read, and one other idea in case that one doesn’t fit. It takes under a minute. Nothing you pick is saved or sent.

How it chooses: it matches who it’s about, what’s going on and how much time you have to one of the site’s tools. It’s a suggestion, not an assessment. If it doesn’t fit, try the other idea, or start anywhere you like. Every tool ends with a short “About this tool” panel: when to use it, how long it takes, what a useful result looks like, what to do next, and what it’s based on.

Other ways in: Where am I right now? (four taps, then one calm step) · Everything by relationship · All tools, by type · Why use this instead of an article or an AI chat?

How it’s organized

Spread Love & Acceptance is a free, friendly way to see what you carry, read how you’re doing today, and talk about the work of a shared life without anyone being made the problem. It starts with you, on your own, and then helps with anyone you share time, space, work or care with.

The ideas sit under Five Pillars: five plain rules, like “fix the setup, not the person.” The worksheets are called the Workpaper Suite. Each one is a single page with a code, like WP-01, and you can fill it in on screen. The steps below show the order they go in.

Four questions that get tangled together

Most arguments about the work of a home are really four separate questions being argued at once. The program pulls them apart so each one can be answered on its own.

• What actually happened?The work itself, written down by both people rather than remembered by one.
• What state was each person in?How much each of you was already carrying before a word was said.
• Who was responsible?The named owner of a job, rather than whoever happened to notice first.
• What did each person mean?What someone meant to say, and how it landed. The two are often not the same.

How it works, in order

Each step answers one of those questions. Pick them up one at a time. Starting them all at once turns into paperwork, and that is the most common reason people stop in week two.

1. See the workWho did what WP-01
   What is actually happening?
   Week 1, a few minutes a day for seven days.
2. Check your stateHow much are you carrying? WP-02
   What is each of us bringing to this?
   Daily from week 1, and before any hard conversation.
3. Too wound up? Settle first.The Calm-Down Kit WP-11
   Nobody solves a hard problem while overloaded. If either of you is running hot, stop here and come back when you’re both calmer.
   Whenever the state check says so. This step comes before the next two.
4. Agree who owns whatOne owner per job WP-03
   Who is actually responsible for what?
   From week 2, using your first full week of notes.
5. Say it so it landsSay it so it lands WP-09
   How do I say what I actually mean?
   In the moment, on one thing that actually stung.
6. Keep small things smallThe 90-second daily check-in WP-13
   How do we catch small problems before they grow?
   Ninety seconds a day, for good.
7. See if it can lastIs the setup working for everyone? CALC-01
   Is the way we share the work sustainable?
   Weekly, once the first steps have given you some numbers.
8. Look backWhat keeps coming back? WP-04
   What keeps coming up, and what needs a change to the setup?
   Once a month.

Your progress, week by week (REPORT-01), keeps what each step produced, so the picture builds up instead of starting over. You can fill in each worksheet on screen and save it as a PDF on your own device.

Each step belongs to one of the Five Pillars. Who did what and “Is the setup working for everyone?” help you see the whole load. One owner per job helps you fix the setup, not the person. The battery check and the Calm-Down Kit help you read your state first. Say it so it lands and the daily check-in help you tune how you send and receive. The monthly look-back helps you notice the quiet incentives. Seen an older name for a tool somewhere? See older names in the glossary.

What’s here, all free and open

Everything is free and open to everyone. No sign-up, no account and no paid version.

• Today’s Weather, the one-minute check on how you’re doing
• The Lemonade Stand, a shared list of who did what
• The book: 26 chapters in three parts, and an afterword, each in a short and a full version
• The whole idea on one printable page
• Seven worksheets, with try-it-first versions and fill-in versions that save as PDFs on your device
• “Is the setup working for everyone?” and your week-by-week progress record
• Six gentle weeks, ending with a before-and-after look in week six

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The Suite Index lists exactly what exists, and is updated the day anything new goes live. More may follow; each is added the day it is finished. The Content Roadmap shows what comes next.

What this is, and what it isn’t

Everything here is a rule-of-thumb framework for reflection. Take what helps and leave the rest.