About · The short answer

Why use this instead of an article or an AI chat?

Articles and AI chats can both be useful, and for some things they are the better choice. Here is what this site does differently, and where it falls short.

You end up with something you both keep

An article gives you advice. A chat gives one person an answer. Most tools here end in something concrete that two or more people make together and keep: a pause plan for arguments, a job list with one owner each, a room agreement, a check-in card. You can copy it, print it or put it on the fridge.

Both sides, by design

An AI chat only hears the person typing. The tools here are built for both sides. Each person answers for themselves. Nothing takes sides, and nothing scores who is the better or worse person. Where there is a score, it describes the setup, not a person: “one person is carrying most of the planning”, not “you’re lazy”.

Private, on your device

No accounts and no sign-up. What you type into the tools stays in your browser and isn’t sent anywhere. You can see everything the site keeps, and erase it, on What’s stored on this device. The site does count page visits (the page address only, never what you type); the privacy policy has the details.

Made for every kind of relationship, and every kind of mind

Couples of every kind, family, co-parents, friends, housemates, coworkers, more than two partners, and people on their own. If you’re autistic, ADHD, dyslexic or just take things in your own way, you can make pages plainer, larger, calmer or read aloud, and tools like the Wiring Card help you say how you work. See How you take things in.

A book and a program that connect

The tools aren’t one-offs. The book explains the ideas a short chapter at a time, and each chapter points to the tool that puts it to work. Six gentle weeks paces it for you, one small step a week, with no streaks and nothing to keep up.

Free, with nothing to sign up for

Every page is open and nothing is charged. There is no paid version. Email updates are optional.

Clear about evidence and limits

Each tool ends with an “About this tool” panel that separates what draws on published research from what is this site’s own idea, and says what it can’t do. Every score is written out in plain rules on Method and limits: none was fitted to data or tested as a diagnosis. The studies behind the pages, with how strong each one is, are on The research behind the site.

This site is self-help. It hasn’t been tested in trials, it can’t hear a tone of voice, and it doesn’t know your history. It isn’t therapy.

When something else is the better choice

Where to start