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Sent this by someone?
Someone thought of you and shared this site. That’s usually a hopeful sign: they’d like things between you to feel fairer and lighter. Here’s what that does and doesn’t mean, so you can decide in your own time.
Short on time? The 30-second version.
Private by design. What you type or choose on this page stays on your device. It is never sent to us. More
What the other person can see
- They can’t see whether you opened this, what you read, or what you type. Nothing you type into the tools or worksheets is sent to them, or to us.
- There’s no shared account and no linked profiles. Each person’s entries stay in their own browser, on their own device.
- They only see what you choose to show them: a worksheet you print or save as a PDF and hand over, or a conversation you decide to have.
What anyone notes about you stays theirs
The program is built so each person fills in their own side. The worksheets ask “what did I do” and “how am I doing,” never “rate the other person.” The shared pieces, like agreeing who owns which job, only work when both of you agree to them, and either of you can stop at any time.
You don’t have to be in the same room. On two phones or laptops, each of you can fill in your own side and send it to the other: the Lemonade Stand, the Wave Code, the Wiring Card and the worksheets each have a way to send your side and add the other person’s. Nothing is sent unless you send it.
Some tools let a person note their own view of someone else, like who did which job in a quick look at the chores, or how they think you take in words. Anything someone notes about you stays on their own device and is their view, not a verdict. Nothing is sent to us, and nothing is shared unless they choose to send it to you.
It isn’t a test, a score of you, or a way to prove who’s right. It looks at the setup: who does what, how much each person is carrying, and how words land.
Doing your side privately
You’re welcome to look around on your own first, with no one else involved:
- Today’s Weather: a one-minute read on how you’re doing. Just for you.
- Start in 10 minutes: the whole idea in four small steps.
- Your self-discovery path: understanding your own load and wiring, with or without anyone else.
Anything you save stays in this browser. You can erase it from the same page, and clearing your browser’s site data removes it too.
If it came in the middle of a hard time
Sometimes a link arrives right after an argument. It can feel like being handed homework, or like they’re saying “you’re the problem”. Usually it means they want a calmer way to talk, and the site is written for both of you: it looks at the setup, never at who is to blame.
- You don’t have to read it tonight. “I’ll look at it when we’ve both cooled down” is a fair reply.
- If you keep having the same fight, One wants to talk now, one needs space and Upset right now? are short, and fair to both sides.
- If it’s about money or family, Supporting family and Disagreeing about family and in-laws treat both of you as reasonable.
- If it came from a brother, sister or other family member after a long silence, Adult siblings and family rifts is for both of you: the one reaching out, and the one who isn’t ready. Forgiving and making up are separate choices, and “not yet” is a fair answer.
- If it came from an ex or your child’s other parent, it is about handoffs and messages, not about who was right. Separated co-parents keeps things short and about the children. You only need to agree the small, practical parts, like a handoff-bag checklist.
Saying yes, not yet, or no, kindly
All three are fine answers. A kind reply usually thanks them for the thought, says where you are, and leaves the door where you want it.
Yes, a little“Thanks for sending this. I had a look. I’m up for trying one small part together, maybe the 90-second daily check-in. Can we start this weekend?”
Not yet“I can tell this matters to you, and I appreciate you sharing it. I’m not up for it right now. Can we come back to it in a couple of weeks?”
No, thank you“Thank you for thinking of us. This kind of tool isn’t for me, and that’s not about you. I’d still like to talk about how things feel, just in our own way.”
If it came from a co-parent
Yes, a little“Thanks. Happy to use a shared list for the handoffs. Can we both check it before Sunday?”
Not yet“Thanks for sending it. I’d rather keep things as they are for now. Let’s just stick to the schedule.”
No, thank you“Thanks, but I’d rather not use a site. I’m happy to keep handoff messages short and about the kids.”
You never owe anyone a yes. These tools only help when both people want to use them.
Made for everyday disagreements between people who feel safe with each other. If anyone feels afraid or controlled, private help is here.
Want to send it on, or reply warmly?
Here’s a message you can copy and change however you like. It isn’t sent from here; copy it into your own text or email.
More messages, for a partner, friend, family member, housemate, coworker or co-parent, or for when things are tense: Messages to send.
Try this: Before you reply, take one minute for yourself. It’s easier to answer kindly when you know how full your own battery is.