Share the load, step by step

There are several tools here for splitting the load, and they work best in one order. Start with the first one and stop whenever it feels done. Most households only need these three. Nothing you type is saved or sent anywhere.

1. See the split and the bills 10 minutes The Lemonade Stand lists who did what this week, for two to eight people, with an optional rent and bills section that works out who owes whom. It describes the split as a plain fact, never a verdict. Not sure which jobs to list? The fair chore chart starts with the ones people forget, like meal planning, appointments, birthdays and bills, and invisible labor and the mental load explains the idea in five calm steps.
2. Give each job one owner: the fridge list 10 minutes One owner per job turns the list into agreements: who does it, and who helps if it slips, so nobody has to keep asking. It works on its own. In a hurry? The Lemonade Stand’s “one owner per job” list skips the hours and prints a list for the fridge.
3. Meet for ten minutes each week 10 minutes a week A short weekly house meeting keeps the split from drifting. Use the weekly house meeting card to jot it down and send it round. It is the weekly version of the 90-second daily check-in: how full everyone is, one thank-you, one thing that slipped, and any owner that needs to change. Couples can do it daily. Once a month, What keeps coming back? looks for the jobs that keep slipping.

Only if you still disagree about who does what

Keep a log for one week with Who did what, then compare it together. Most of the time the surprise is the invisible work, not the dishes. Is the setup working for everyone? adds numbers for balance, ownership and stress, if you want a second look. Its method and limits are written out in full.

Talking about it: how to bring it up

The hardest part is often the first sentence. Raise the load when you’re already fed up, and it comes out as blame. Wait too long, and it comes out as a list of everything.

• Bring it up early, and small, before it needs a big talk.
• Use fact, feeling, ask. What you noticed, how it feels, and one thing you’d like.
• Talk about the setup, not the person. “The bins keep getting missed” beats “You always forget the bins.”
• Hear it back. Before you answer, say what you heard: “So the school stuff all lands on you.”
• Pause if it heats up, and name a time to come back.

Words you could use: “I’ve been feeling stretched lately. Could we spend ten minutes on Sunday looking at who does what? I’m not keeping score. I just want it to feel fair to everyone.”

Check your opening line in the Chat analyzer (or choose Roommates). If a talk goes sideways over text, paste the chat or a screenshot into the Chat analyzer to see where it turned. More: Effective communication: hard talks →

Roommates and housemates

Make our chore list (2 min) →

Sharing one room, like a dorm? Guests, overnight guests, quiet hours and talking to your RA are on Sharing a room (dorm or flat), with a room agreement to fill in.

For a shared house or flat, the same order works, even for a house of four:

1. The Lemonade Stand: see the split and the bills. Keep shared money separate from chores. Its rent and bills section does the sums and says who owes whom.
2. One owner per job: the fridge list. Agree one owner for each job, and put the list on the fridge.
3. A weekly 10-minute house meeting. The weekly version of the 90-second check-in. Start with the numbers, not with who is late.

Only if you still disagree about who does what, keep a week of Who did what and bring it to the next house meeting.

For your situation

• New baby
• Separated co-parents
• Grandparents
• Every relationship, side by side
• The Workpaper Suite, for a whole household or group