Guide · Children and ADHD
When a child has ADHD: for parents and grandparents
This page is for parents, grandparents and anyone who looks after a child with ADHD, or a child who might have it. It gives plain words for the moments that come up most: the fidgeting, the forgetting, and the “I told you three times.”
Just the main points and the words to use, on a page or two.
Is ADHD real?
Yes, ADHD is real and well studied. It is not bad behaviour or bad upbringing.
Some children’s brains find sitting still, waiting and remembering harder than other children’s do. It’s a bit like trying to listen to the radio while three other stations play at once. The child usually wants to get it right. Their brain just has to work harder to do it.
That doesn’t mean anything goes. Children with ADHD still learn rules and manners. They just need more reminders, more patience, and a setup that helps them succeed. Only a doctor or specialist can say whether a child has ADHD.
When they can’t sit still
Moving often helps a child with ADHD think. Telling them to “sit still” can use up all their focus on keeping still, with nothing left for the task.
- Build in movement. A short break every 10 to 15 minutes, a job that means walking, or standing to do homework.
- Give their hands something to do. A squishy toy, a bit of modelling clay, a pencil to twiddle.
- Pick your battles. Wriggling at the table is fine. Running in the road is not.
Words you could use
“Let’s take a wiggle break, then back to it.”
“You can hold the squishy ball while we read. Your hands can move, your ears listen.”
When they forget
Forgetting is one of the most frustrating parts, for everyone. It usually isn’t laziness or not caring. Their short-term memory drops things more easily, so put the memory outside their head.
- Write it down where they’ll see it. A list on the fridge, a picture checklist by the door.
- Same place, every time. Shoes, bag and coat live in one spot.
- Remind without the sigh. A calm reminder works better than “How many times…?”
Words you could use
“I’ll write it on the fridge so we both remember.”
“Check your door list: shoes, bag, lunch. What’s missing?”
One instruction at a time
“Go upstairs, brush your teeth, put your pyjamas on and bring down your library book” is four jobs. By the top of the stairs, three may be gone.
- Get their attention first. Say their name, get close, wait for their eyes.
- Give one short instruction. “Teeth now, please.”
- Ask them to say it back. “What are you off to do?”
- Praise the effort, then give the next one.
Praise the effort. Children with ADHD hear “no”, “stop” and “not again” many times a day. Catch them trying: “You remembered your bag all by yourself. That’s great.” Small, specific praise helps more than a big reward now and then.
Words you could use
“I saw you stop and think before you answered. That was hard, and you did it.”
Routines, changes and screens
- Same order every day. A predictable morning and bedtime means fewer decisions and fewer fights.
- Warn before a change. “Five more minutes, then shoes on.” A timer they can see helps.
- Screens are hard to stop. They are made to hold attention, and a child with ADHD finds switching off extra hard. Agree the time first, give a warning, and stop at the end of an episode or level, not in the middle.
- Sleep and food matter. A tired or hungry child with ADHD has even less to work with.
Words you could use
“When the timer beeps, the tablet goes to sleep and we go to the park.”
When feelings boil over, the calm-down ideas on our parents page work well for children with ADHD too.
For grandparents
You may have raised children before ADHD was talked about. Some of what you see may look like cheekiness. It helps to know it is often the ADHD, not the child being rude. You can still be the warm, steady place they love to visit.
- Follow the parents’ plan. Routines, rewards, screen time and medicine are their decisions. Ask, and keep to them.
- Ask what works at home. They know the tricks that help: a timer, a checklist, a wiggle break.
- Don’t talk about the ADHD in front of the child as if they are not there.
- Keep your visits simple. Fewer plans, more outdoor time, a quiet corner to calm down.
Words you could use
To the parents: “What works at home when he can’t settle? I’d like to do the same here.”
To the child: “At Grandma’s we take a wiggle break after each page. Ready?”
More on helping without taking over: For grandparents.
Talking about it: with your child, each other and the school
A child with ADHD hears “no” and “not again” many times a day, and the adults get tired of repeating themselves. The grown-ups often see the ADHD differently too: one parent worries, another thinks it’s a phase, a grandparent thinks it’s cheek. That makes calm talk harder for everyone.
- Talk about ADHD as how their brain works, not as being bad. Name their strengths too.
- Raise problems when everyone is calm, not in the middle of the fight about shoes.
- Agree one plan between the adults, in private, and keep to it in front of the child.
- Bring examples to the school or doctor: what you’ve seen, when, and what helps.
- Repair after you snap. “I got cross. That wasn’t fair. Let’s try again” teaches them how to come back too.
Words you could use
To your child: “Your brain is quick and full of ideas. Remembering lists is harder for it, so let’s give it some help.”
To the other parent: “Can we agree two homework rules, and both stick to them this week?”
If you feel your temper rising, Where am I right now? helps you notice before you shout. Check-ins give the adults a calm time to agree a plan. More: Effective communication: with kids → · with teachers and doctors →
Something to watch together
Frequency Buddies is the site’s free cartoon about two puppy pals. Chapters are short, about 2 to 4 minutes, which suits a busy mind, and captions are always on. Afterwards, ask one easy question: “How full was Tidbit’s battery when the storm came?”
When to talk to the doctor or school
Talk to your child’s doctor, or the school, if:
- trouble with attention, sitting still or acting without thinking goes on for months, at home and at school,
- it is getting in the way of learning, friendships or family life, or
- your child seems unhappy, left out, or keeps calling themselves “stupid” or “bad”.
Ask the school what extra support they can give. In the US, you can ask about a 504 plan. In the UK, ask to speak to the SENCo, the teacher who leads support for children with extra needs. For trusted information: CHADD (chadd.org) in the US, and the ADHD Foundation (adhdfoundation.org.uk) in the UK.
More for your situation
- For parentsBig feelings, siblings who fight, calm-down routines and talking with teens.
- For grandparentsHelp with the grandkids without taking over, with words for common moments.
- Foster, adoptive and kinship familiesFor carers raising a child who has been through a lot.
- Frequency BuddiesA gentle cartoon to watch together, in short chapters.
- The Night GardenA breathing game: breathe slowly and flowers bloom. No timers, no way to lose.
This page shares general ideas, not medical advice. Your child’s doctor can tell you what fits your child.